By Paige Atwell
It’s often said that parents learn many things from their children; patience being one of them. Nothing tests a parent’s patience and parenting skill set more than when we have to take our children to an event where they are expected to be on their best behavior. With fall wedding season upon us and many families participating in or attending a loved one’s special day, there are a few tips parents can follow to make weddings easier for both children and adults.
While it’s crucial to remember that children develop in stages and age-appropriate expectations need to be considered, the following suggestions may help ease the anxiety and struggle of bringing children to weddings.
Discuss the wedding ahead of time
While I know that explaining the significance of a wedding may be futile for some children, especially younger ones, it’s important to share where you will be going and why...in the most magical and exciting way possible. For younger children, share that they may see cousins or grandparents, that you’d like to dance with them at the reception or that they’ll get a special piece of cake for good behavior. For children in the wedding or older children, focus on the honor of being invited by the bride or groom, the value of their role and why it’s so important to be on one’s best behavior. Any attempt at establishing guidelines and expectations is always a good idea; rewarding children with cake never hurts either.
Identify your wingman
Depending on the age of your children or your role in the wedding, it may be impossible for you to monitor, control or distract your child throughout the course of the day. Plan ahead and find another attendee to assist you. In our family, we have an abundance of teenage and college girls to assist with the younger children. However, a grandparent or family friend may be good for backup as well. Identify a spot where a helper may be able to take a cranky child should they become disruptive. If your child is in the wedding, partner that child with an older one to aide in walking down the aisle.
Pack a “grab bag”
A “grab bag” is this mother of seven’s solution to keeping kids entertained at special events, road trips or plane rides. Prior to any event where my children have to be relatively under control and well mannered, I buy a few inexpensive toys and pack them in individual small bags. This may be a travel set of crayons with a mini coloring book, figurines, flash cards, matching games…anything that is small, peaceful and NEW. Having a new toy will allow for more engagement as opposed to the same toy you pull from the diaper bag each week. Throughout the day, if things start to head south, pull out another item from the grab bag.
Digital activities
Although I am aware of our pediatrician’s screen time guidelines, desperate times call for desperate measures. In a perfect world, my children would sit quietly, color during the church ceremony and play Old Maid with their sisters during the reception. However, I live in the real world where I need a plan B. If the novelty of the grab bag has worn off, opt for a smart phone or tablet with a NEW game or movie. Check the recent downloads to see if any new movies you missed in theatres are available. Find a game your child hasn’t seen on your phone or iPad. Three of my favorite apps for younger children (that you can also play on silent without Wi-Fi) are:
Knock Knock Family - Upload photos of family members that are hidden behind doors.
Peekaboo Barn - Touch the barn doors to reveal animals that make sounds. You can also learn the animals in Spanish.
Sound Touch - Touch the squares in the grid to see and hear various animals, musical instruments and methods of transportation.
I also love the Head’s Up app for older children. Ellen made this popular board game famous again and it would be great for kids to play with each other at the reception. Music Tiles is like the Rock Band of classical music where children touch moving notes to complete a song.
Know when to call it a night
Ultimately, this is one of the most important days of someone’s life and if your children are a distraction or interruption of that moment, it may be best to excuse yourself and your child out of courtesy. Wedding guests may think flower girls struggling down the aisle are funny or children who giggle inappropriately at the wrong time to be cute. However, weddings can be very long days for children and as the evening progresses, the behavior typically digresses. Know your child’s limits and when it is best to bow out graciously.